Taking care of ourselves seems to be a challenge for a lot of moms. For those of us who chose to stay home with our kids, some of the great reasons we chose to stay at home are the same not-so-great reasons we forget to take care of ourselves. We want to be there for our kids, so we insist on being there for them all the time. We believe we are the best people to take care of our children, so we insist on being the only people who take care of them. If we aren't careful, we can let ourselves and our own needs get lost in the bustle of getting through the day. There is always something that could be done: a child's activity, another load of laundry, dinner to get on the table before dad gets home from work, homework to help with, an outing to plan. It isn't easier for mothers who work. They can add work-related stresses and guilt for being away from the kids to the excuses to care for anyone but themselves.
But, we say, there is so much that has to get done. Where do I find the time to take care of myself? When you are feeling overwhelmed, there are two main strategies. First, see if any of the things that you think you need to do can be skipped, delegated, or put off until later. Second, find quick ways to recharge yourself that you can sneak in at random times of the day. When you are not quite so overwhelmed, you can make a plan to build more substantial self-care into your day.
Here's a way to figure out some of the little things that you can do to take care of yourself. You can do this by yourself, but it might help to talk through it with a friend or write your thoughts down. Take a moment to think about the way your body feels when you are stressed. What words can you use to describe the feelings? Shake out your body to release any stress you may have triggered by thinking about feeling stressed. Now, think about the way your body feels when you are the opposite of stressed and find words to describe that feeling. In InterPlay, we refer to the physical sensations that are the opposite of stress as the Physicality of Grace. Every moment that we experience the Physicality of Grace nurtures and supports us, recharges and energizes us.
The key to taking care of ourselves is to know what triggers that sensation of ease or grace for us and to choose to engage in those activities more often. So, make a list of the things that you do that make your body feel the opposite of stressed. Let your list be specific and personal. Don't list anything because you think it “should” make you less stressed. If a walk on the beach bores you, don't list it. If a hot bath winds you up, don't list it. If reading technical manuals makes you experience the Physicality of Grace, write it down. You know your body. There is no body quite like yours, so you are the only person who can say what brings ease to your body.
When you have your list of things that make you feel the Physicality of Grace, the opposite of stressed, look on the list for the things you can do around your daily life with the kids. Part of my list looks like this:
- The smell of cinnamon or nutmeg on my coffee.
- Taking 3 deep breaths and let them out on a sigh.
- Walking on a rocky sea shore as the fog is rolling in.
- Listening to the sort of music I would hear at a spa or in a yoga class.
- Random dancing in my living room.
So, in my daily life, I can make choices. I can sprinkle my coffee with cinnamon or nutmeg every morning. When the children nap or are out of the house, I can play the music that nurtures me. I can practice deep breathing while doing chores and when I am losing my patience. I can dance with the kids, holding them in my arms or letting them watch. I can play music I want to dance to while the kids are up. I can even try to plan a seaside trip as our next family vacation, though I probably can't schedule the fog.
Your triggers for that physical sensation of grace will be different from mine, so the choices you might want to make will also be different. The trick is to trust your own knowledge about your body and make the choices that are right for you.
Once you are aware of the things that bring you the feeling of grace, you can choose to bring them into your life more often. But, please don't give yourself any grief for forgetting to do these things. Be gentle with yourself. Make changes in little tiny steps. Don't push yourself closer to burnout by trying to change your whole routine. This is about self-care, not self-abuse. Shaking out one hand or letting one deep breath out on a sigh is enough. And, if it feels good, you might remember to do it again.
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